Thailand, Perceptions

I’ve been here 8 days and my perception of Thailand thus far is, like anywhere, a mixture of good and bad. I love the people here! They are sweet, kind and friendly. The food is delicious, and pretty much everything is far less expensive than it is at home. It rains just about every day in these dramatic storms that last no longer than an hour (at least so far) and I love it! I love sitting in Brittany’s living room and watching the huge clouds come in over the city. I love it when the rain is coming down so hard that we have to close the screen door because the rain is bouncing off the porch and into the house. I love wearing my rain boots and I love riding on Brittany’s motorcycle as she ducks and weaves through traffic. I love Thai Song and what they’re doing. I love the staff and I love the YWAM base. I love going to church and meeting people from all over the world. I love the freedom to read an entire book in a single day.

Trying to look tough: partial success on Brittany's part...total failure by me!

I don’t love that it’s always hot. I don’t love the pollution or the smells associated with it. I don’t love living in a huge city. I don’t love the mangy dogs and cats lying around everywhere. I don’t love that I don’t feel safe going running anywhere outside of the apartment complex. I don’t love seeing absolute poverty right next to gigantic mansions. I don’t love the way men look at me and call out things I don’t understand (although it’s probably a good thing I don’t understand them). I don’t love seeing raw meat heaped in piles on a table in the market, exposed to anything and everything that might walk (or fly) by. I don’t love feeling like an arrogant American because my mind jumps immediately to judgment when I’m confronted with things I don’t understand. I don’t love that I can’t just call my parents whenever I want because most of the time I’m awake, they’re asleep. I don’t love that so many of the things I took for granted in the US aren’t readily available here. I don’t love that I’m rarely completely comfortable (although perhaps I should love it because it forces me to constantly depend on God).

I suppose what it comes to, as with anything, is to what I choose to attend. While I can’t change the way things are, I can change my reaction to them. I can choose to see this time as an opportunity to allow God to shape and mold me, or I can choose to be continually overwhelmed. I can choose to submit myself to what I know to be true, regardless of feelings, or I can choose to submit to what I see around me. Just this morning as I was, yet again, trying to sort out my feelings in my journal, I felt the gentle nudge of God. While there is a time and place for introspection, I find myself so often sucked into a perpetual state of it. It’s there I get depressed. It’s there I get stressed out because I don’t understand myself. It’s there I wrest control of the world from the capable hands of God and try to order and organize it myself. It’s there that Jesus has to remind me again and again that I was not designed for that job. I was designed to walk with Him. I was designed to rest with Him. I was designed to live boldly and in freedom because He’s got me. I don’t need to understand everything. I don’t need to fix everything. If I’m allowing Him to lead me I have nothing to fear. I’ll end here with a chorus that gets me every time I hear it. 

Fee, "The Arms that Hold the Universe"

“The arms that hold the universe are holding you tonight. You can rest inside, it's gonna be alright. And the voice that calmed the raging sea is calling you His child. So be still and know He's in control. He will never let you go.”